As a man in my early sixties, I have cherished a rewarding marriage for over 25 years. recently, I have come to except my bisexuality, even though I have yet to disclose this truth to anyone. Approximately two years ago, my wife caught me wearing her black lace panties—a habit that brings me excitement. Her reaction was one of anger; she suggested that I seek therapy to “understand why I engage in this behavior.” This response left me feeling deeply embarrassed and ashamed.

I find myself uncertain about how to approach this situation. Despite my attempts to discuss it with her, she firmly states that she cannot bear the thought of me in such a light and refuses any further dialog on the subject. This internal struggle is becoming increasingly overwhelming.

It’s important to recognize that enjoying women’s underwear does not automatically imply bisexuality; however, it may indicate attractions toward both genders. Regardless of one’s sexual orientation, consulting with a sexuality therapist can be beneficial since no one should feel shame or humiliation regarding their preferences.

The inclination for men to wear women’s clothing is more prevalent among heterosexual males than many might assume. For some individuals, this desire can provide comfort and frequently enough originates during childhood or adolescence. However, when female partners discover their male counterparts’ interest in cross-dressing, thay frequently experiance shock and confusion—largely due to misconceptions about what this means for their relationship.

Your wife’s remark about needing you to comprehend your behavior likely reflects her own quest for clarity on the issue at hand. It is indeed essential for both partners to navigate these feelings together so she can better understand your experiences.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is an accomplished psychotherapist based in the United States who specializes in sexual health matters.

• If you are seeking advice from pamela regarding sexual concerns, please send a brief description of your issue via email at private.lives@theguardian.com. Each week,Pamela selects one inquiry for public response online but regrets that personal correspondence isn’t feasible due to high demand. All submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.